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My best try at trying to make a Serendipity photo match up with my blog content.
I’m not even sure how much I have posted about our new love of skiing/snowboarding. It all started a couple weeks ago when my friend, Anne, asked us to run up to Kalamazoo and take the kids skiing. My kids have never been but heck, I love hanging out with Anne and Tom, so it was a go. We put all 4 of our kids in ski school and they amazed us. Well, Gabe, Alex and Elizabeth but Joe struggled and pretty much was in pure frustration. And frustration is the last thing I wanted him to feel the first time. We pulled him out of and he decided to go tubing the rest of the day.
We talked that night and Joe really wanted to try snowboarding, after all, he said we was an expert cuz he’s done it before on the little hill up the street. We signed him up for lessons with a guy named Drew. At the end of the 3 hours they both came back smiling, had a great time, lots of falls, and lots of laughs. Drew assured us Joe could totally be good at this, he just had to learn the rules. I was so excited to hear this, and Joe was beaming. On the way home that night, we started planning how soon we could get back so Joe would not forget what he learned. We went back the following weekend Joe met up with Drew for 2 more days. On Sunday, after riding the chairlift all day, he was glowing brighter than the sun. His confidence could be felt a mile away. It was beautiful. I am so thankful to Drew for helping out, being so patient and believing in Joe.
I have said many times, you just have to have one thing to shine at. Just one thing. Joe loves sports and plays them all like he is the star of the show but snowboarding is something where he can really shine. I wish I could find the right words. It is crazy how much this means to me. I saw his face last Sunday and the way he walked beaming with pride. I gotta make this happen. So this weekend we are heading up to Traverse City to give it another go. I’m a little nervous not to have Drew there, cuz he really “got” Joe, but I have my fingers crossed his new instructor will be just as awesome.
And Gabe? Well, he mastered skiing on Day One. It is so hard sometimes seeing the difference between the 2 of them especially as they get older. It’s tough to know how to act and where to put my focus. Gabe can pick up anything in 2 seconds. He is a natural. Joe is in love with everything but it takes a bit and the frustration he feels sometimes kills the love.
Tonite in the car Gabe says “Joe can’t ski. Joe fell and cried so he quit.” I had no clue what to say but I could see Joe’s eyes swell up with tears and knew I had to think fast. My response was ” Joe tried skiing. He didn’t like it and didn’t want to waste an entire weekend doing something he didn’t love. Kinda like how I stopped painting cuz I didn’t love it anymore and wanted to spend my time doing something I loved. ” Man, I felt like I was encouraging quitting but geesh it is hard being a mom sometimes and knowing all the right answers. In the end, I convinced Joe and Gabe that they are both great and they don’t have to be great nor love the same things.
You sound like an awesome mom! Both of your boys will do just fine in life.
Great answer!! I’m a terrible skier! Hoping to one day master it or try snowboarding! You need to head to Colorado for a ski trip!! Awesome times!!
So much of this resonates with me… I have four kids but my oldest are both boys… They are so different and great at different things! My heart aches just thinking about how hard parenting will get as they get older. Parenting is such a beautiful gift!
This is nice to read, to know someone else feels like I do. I have two kids a boy 5 and a girl 2. Anna Kate is tall for her age and is very coordinated. She loves to play catch and has a very outgoing personality. My son is very introverted, he gets headaches when he gets worked up playing sports and he is very shy. People always ask about my twins and Ian wants to know why they ask if they are twins he is 5 and she is two. Truth is they are about the same size. Also people are drawn to Anna and like to tell her how much they love her and because Ian is so shy he comes across like his mother unapproachable. It is hard to know what to say to him sometimes.
He did ask why Anna Kate has so many nice clothes and he doesn’t so we went and bought him some new clothes. He picked a pink shirt and a skull and cross bones tie. He wears the tie with everything even tee shirts. He is so great in his own way I just wish I knew how to show him.
We are heading up to Traverse City this weekend too! Well, Cadillac for the weekend, and Traverse for a day. No skiing for me though;) Hope you all have a great time! There just aren’t words to express how it makes you feel when you see your child having pride in something they do…when you can tell they really feel accomplished. You just want to bottle that feeling and have it on hand any time they have a down feeling or try and fail at something else…just as a reminder that they are AMAZING!
Thanks so much for this post. It’s so true that we all just need one thing to shine at. My two children are so different and my daughter, who is almost 3 years younger than her brother, receives many more compliments than him and is much better at sports too. He’s almost 9 and it bothers him that his sister can outrun him and do cartwheels when he can’t. He has a muscle issue called hypotonia. He basically can’t run as fast, jump as high, etc. as his peers but it also makes him a bit uncoordinated. I always think of something my mother once told me when trying to maintain harmony between them: “fair doesn’t neccessarily mean equal.” I have to remind myself that they don’t have to do the same things but they do need to find things to do that they love. To your boys and all children–shine on!!
I adore reading your stories about bringing up your boys and the adventures, tears, laughter, struggles, and times to shine. You can feel Joe beaming, and you, in your post. My son gets frustrated -very- easily and gives up but if he is good at something he rocks it! This whole post just made me smile after a day knee deep in sick.
I am so happy for you and for Joe about his success in snowboarding. The joy as a parent seeing your child excel at something is uncomparable. You did great with the car incident. It’s hard when siblings compare/compete etc. You made my Kolter’s year by putting him in the top ten for the model search. He lives in his big brother’s shadow a lot, so this was a perfect moment for him to shine. I am still thankful for that
I love reading your blog:) I love that you are a mom first then a very creative busy bee the rest if the time:) Im hoping my Carson(5) picks up skiing this next week a little better than the first time! ( but he was also sick then too) best of luck on this next trip to Joe!!!!:)
Hey serious that was a great response..its often so hard to find the right answer or the best answer on the fly- I have 4 small ones and the things they say are so unpredictable At times. To be able to come up with with the right words to smooth over a situation in the spur of the moment..not easy..and I love how you did that!
I’m so happy Joe has found something he can shine at and you are such a good mom to jump on that and make this happen! I know it’s so important for kids who struggle more than others at sports to feel like they have one they are good at. Josiah has played basketball for three years and never scored a goal until last week. Afterwards he said, “I felt like it would be a great time to faint. I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to pass out and that would have been the perfect time to do it!” He was so happy!
You weren’t encouraging quitting! You’re right in saying that everybody has something they shine at, so he was just continuing on his search for his area to shine. As an avid snow sport lover, I’m so happy to hear that he was able to find a snow sport to connect with. Growing up I skied, when I could make my own decisions, I snowboarded and now that I can do whatever I want on the mountain I telemark ski. There is nothing like the feeling of flying down a snow covered mountain and being able to master the contraptions attached to your feet. Praise God for Drew and I hope hope hope that your new instructor is able to connect with him in a similar way- it can make all the difference in the world to a beginner.
That is so hard when you have a child that struggles like that but it is obvious that you are an awesome mama and you do everything you can to help him “shine”. I think that is great!
I think you handled it great! Thanks for sharing such a real life moment, we have moments like that all the time in our house…actually often in the car just like you. The truth is we all were not created to do the same things, I love how you put it that why would he want to spend the whole weekend doing something that he didn’t love! God has gifted Joe in many incredible ways & he will excel in so many areas…like you said, why waste time on the things that are not meant for us to do. Now, when he meets a challenge & it IS something that he loves…I have no doubt that with his hard work & determination he will succeed & shine!!
Have a fun & safe weekend ahead!
This is a great post-it’s so exciting to find something your child loves and is good at! Great motherly advice-so true!
Great response about letting one thing go, so you can give more of yourself to something you love.
Denise I think you handled that so well! One of the MANY things I admired about my Mom was her ability to come up with the perfect explanation or redirection for any scenario that a child could ask her about. To me that is the beauty of a Mom and true wisdom. This story reminds me of something she would have come up with, so instead of seeing it as promoting quitting, view yourself as using your motherly wisdom to save the feelings of both of your children & to build both of them up at once:-) One day they will hope to have that same gift when dealing with their own kiddos!
I think your answer was perfect, everyone has been given different gifts and why waste time on something that just doesn’t fit! he didn’t quit he just redirected!! How boring it would be if we all liked and did well at the same things! One day your sweet boys will come to appreciate each others differences. Im impressed with both of them Lord knows skiing and snowboarding alike would leave me on my fanny all day!!
Denise, This post is exactly why I love reading your blog. Your boys are so very lucky to have you for a mom! Wishing Joe a weekend full of confidence (and fun for the rest of you too)!!
I just had a similar conversation with my 6-year old about reading. She is by no means behind, but wants to “be able to read a cereal box” like a boy in her class (kindergarten). I told her that God made each of us different, which means some things are easier for us to learn, but others can be harder. We then talked about the talents she has that were easy to come by, like being a great friend and hitting a softball off a pitch ;). We then concluded that she can be a great reader too, but it will be one of those things that may take a little more practice. Glad to know there are other moms out there with the same child rearing issues.
What a good Mom moment. One of those where you need to say, “hey, I am a good Mom!”
This reminds me of a quote I really love, “Pursue your own dreams and follow your own heart. Don’t make life choices based on what you think other people want you to do.” That’s just what Joe did! I wouldn’t say you are encouraging quitting, more like encouraging them to figure out what they love.
Good story!
Hi Denise – So glad to hear the boys are loving skiing and snowboarding. Both are a great life long sport. I have skied for over 35 years and love it more than ever now that my kids ski too. I said before you should check out Otsego in Gaylord (exit 279 or 281 on I-75…T.C. is so close. You would really love it – it is great for snowboarders because it is never really that crowded….www.otsegoclub.com. Love the life lessons about learning! Enjoy the snow…it is going to be good this weekend.
Ahh…this made me cry! I have 4 children ages 19,16, 14 & 2. The 19 & 16 year old can do anything with out even making an effort. The 14 year old…not so much. It breaks my heart. Hugs to you. xoxo
Thanks guys for all the great notes!! It is tough sometimes huh? I swear my kids break my heart more than any boyfriend ever did! And Pamela- I know that place, I think we use to ski there in high school!!!
I am sure you probably made a road trip or two down I-75 from Center Street…probably skiied past my husband. He grew up skiing there. Enjoy your time with the boys…the air is so clear and crisp on lovely winter days!
We love that place…we did the tubing too!