Emotional Rollercoaster

What’s a girl to do? I feel like I am in high school breaking up with my first boyfriend. This is my girl. She was the first one to walk up and put that sweet tinsel around my neck and never left my side.  She smiled this smiled that was so genuine and heart warming. She didn’t even have to say a thing, you just knew she was as sweet as the day is long. I am certain you know friends like this. Friends that have few words but when your eyes meet there is no need for words. You just get each other.  I’ve got a few of those. It is like an unspoken ” Ya,I know you know…”

This is my girl. This is my Spiderman meets Matilda Jane. The quiet girl that is filled with strength and passion.

And tonite is one of those very rare nights you are going to see a photo of me (as many of you know, and many may not, I hate photos of me for many reason..another story there). This is crazy, but it is true. I have spent hours combing Facebook, blogs and what not to see if there may be a pic of Linda.  Just  a little glimpse of her in the background. Yes, and when Jimmy posts photos form Kitale, I look at each one for at least a minute to see if she is in there, somewhere. I just want to see her. I want to see her smiling with friends, or sitting in school. I just want to see that she is ok.

The other day I got the best news, well, let me tell you the story first. Linda came to Seeds because she was very sick and her mom could not take care of her. No one knew where her dad was. It had been 3 years since they last saw him. They searched everywhere they possibly could think, and after a long thorough search they  assumed he was dead.  Her mom needed help. Linda was sick and they were very fortunate Richard and Helen could help take her in.  She’s been at Seeds for just over a year.

Last month, he came back. He explained he was very stressed about not being able to help the family so he left. Imagine, your husband walking through the door 3 yrs later after you thought he was gone. No words…cuz I am not sure how I feel. there is of course that happiness but also that anger of ….”You left me and didn’t tell me?”

So in short, Linda’s mom asked to meet and said she would like to be a family again.  I do love this story because no matter what you love your parents. And I know Linda was the happiest girl seeing her dad for the first time in 3 years. I can only imagine her huge smile, and her hugging them as tight as she possibly could.

But then there is that 1% of me that is not happy. That is worried so much for her. I am worried about will she still go to school?  Is she happy? Will she still have 3 meals a day? What does her future hold? Where does she sleep at night and is she scared? But most of all,  will she be safe?  I keep thinking it has to be the American that I am. We need so much to make us happy. In Africa it is a different world. There is this raw, almost stripped down emotion that is so real and so strong that none of us who went to Africa can describe. But we all feel it, and do that..look in the eye..and say ..”You know what I mean”.

I cannot  compare the future I had in my mind for her to the one she will have. Because no matter how different they may be, whether it be Linda going to college or Linda..I don’t know…  But she will be happy. She will be.  I just have to believe that because that is all I have to believe.

Yes, I am trying to sound positive, but truth is.  I am so worried about her. And it feel so wrong because she is with her family.  Her mom protected her the first time, when she was sick. I need to have faith that if  she could no longer care for her, or if her life was being abused her mom would do the right thing again.

I know, I know…stop dwelling..but I can’t.

This girl is beautiful and I am so hopeful that when Jenni goes back with David and their crew in February she is able to go visit Linda with her family and take photos of them all together. I can only imagine the way her eyes will sparkle now.  They were stunning before and now, now they must be like the most beautiful diamonds…ahh and here I am in tears again. Ha, and this is what Africa does to you..makes you fall in love all over again.  I am so looking forward to David and the most amazing group of guys to experience this.  I cannot wait for David to meet Brian, Clinton and Nancy.  And in 6 short months I am hopeful I will get to meet them for the very first time. I am certain my little Brain is going to me beaming from ear to ear with all sorts of new confidence and comfort now that his brother and sister are with him.

 

And I know so many of you are out there, emailing and waiting to help. We are so happy that you have fallen in love too.  Please know we appreciate your offers and cannot wait till the day comes when we say..OK, LET’S DO THIS. But to us, it is so important that we are able to give back to you, so you can feel the connection and the help you are giving . We want you to be part of this. These kids need you to.  And when the time is right, we will let you know.