I think I could vouch for everyone here, yesterday was one of the most moving days of our lives. The highs and lows were intense.
Much of the day was spent doing field games with the kids while Becky and I finished painting the rooms. Then we headed over to the school to meet the others for an hour filled with singing and dancing. You have never heard voices more beautiful. I can hear them in my mind as I type this and I’ve got goosebumps.
Seven or eight of us left to go to the slums to feed the widows. This is gonna be hard for me, but I want to paint the picture for you to see it clearly. First, I need to say I have never seem more beautiful faces and eyes that sparkle. I mean sparkle like glass. Beautiful but intense. You look into them and you feel their heart and soul, you see the hope but you see the hunger. I’m talking a desperate hunger. While there is an anger that you see on some, there is also the hope you see in the little 6 yr old who says sweetly “that’s the nice lady who shares with me if I have no food.” I want so badly to tell you what I feel and how this experience has made me believe more than ever that we are one. We are in this world together. What excuse do we have not to help? I feel like I could get kinda bitchy and say we have not a single excuse. Because I believe it with my whole being. When you see a little boy look into your eyes and say in the most desperate little voice “water?”. How the heck can you say I have nothing to give you?
It blows me away. They are so smart and so desperate for help. 7 yr olds who speak 2 languages and have never been to school? Really, we can turn our back on them and pretend they don’t exist? They are amazing, they have done everything on their own. Why does it have to be so hard for them?
When you think about all the stuff you put in your grocery cart once a week or whatever you are ordering at the drive through please think about if there’s anything you can go without to help these kids. I fully admit, I am so fortunate and I have been able to give a lot. But I want you to know deep in the back of my head I feel so selfish. I feel selfish because when I give it makes me so wonderfully happy and I’m keeping it all to myself. It’s such a weird thing.
I’m thinking about the sweetest boy, Bryan, who Hellen and Richard just brought in. I do not know his story because he could only hold my leg as tight as he could and stare into my soul. Three days and all I got from him is “7 years old, Clinton 10yrs old, Maria and Nancy sisters”. He’s only been at the orphanage 6-7 months and is terribly wise but has eyes that make your soul ache. You see his light, you feel him look into you and beg for love and hope that he’s gonna be okay. But how do you know?
He’s been taken from the only home he knew. Yes, they live in the slums but that’s all they know. They are proud. His sister and brother go to school with Bryan but when the bell rings they go back to their garbage house or clay hut and do what they’ve always done- play, search for food, and fall asleep on a bag or the ground and pray they will be safe from predators or unknown diseases that linger.
After school, Bryan gets on the bus and head to the orphanage for a good meal, a bed to sleep on and the comfort of knowing he will be safe tonite. Still, I can feel his heartbreaking because he misses his brother and sisters. It’s all he knows. It’s all he has. Gosh… What’s a girl to do?
Whelp, we are heading to Nairobi and I will ask his story of mom or dad or grandparent and continue onto the plane.
Denise…this is all too familiar. Your words speak to my soul as my husband and I just experienced this weeks ago. Since we have been home, every one asks me, “How was your trip?! Was it just amazing?!” A big part of me wants to tell them what they want to hear, that it was perfect and amazing. BUT, there is a huge part of me that wants to break down into shaking sobs and scream, “they are all still there!!! They need help!” If you don’t witness it with your own eyes, it is so easy to imagine and forget. But once you see it, once you live it, you cannot stand still and do nothing. Now that we are home, I have a fire that I feel has just been lit. I need to move…I need to help! Thanks for sharing some of the realities with us all.:)
The hope and sparkle in their eyes is most likely because they are closer to God than many of us could ever be. It’s both bittersweet and inspiring. They don’t have the distraction of material things that can come over some. Sharing our material “wealth” brings us closer to God and brings immeasurable value to our lives, not to mention such hope to those in need.
I have said it before…the generosity and caring that MJC shares with others is absolutely wonderful & admirable.
… Eyes that make your soul ache … No words, but my heart aches!
This brought back so many emotions for me of my time spent in Zambia in 2001. I have a picture that I just found the other day, of a grandmother on the side of the road of one of the towns we visited and she was holding her newborn grandson. She kept trying to give us this sweet baby, asking us, pleading with us to take him back to America with us. It literally broke my heart…..this exchange that took only but a minute, will forever be etched in my heart. Your hearts will be heavy, but know you did some wonderful things during your time there! How many children you made smile, laugh!
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I’m sitting here with an ache in my heart as I read your blog post. Heart wrenching! The magnitude of it all can be overwhelming, yet it is the glimmer in their eyes, the hope that you see in them that presses us forward. You inspire me on many levels, but this moves me to tears. Moves me to want to make a change, to change with world. We can, you know……change the world.
A place to start to help these orphans and kids in Africa is http://www.compassion.com and sponsor a child. We sponsor 4 children now and it has been awesome for us. It’s such a small act but is making a difference for these kids lives and for us. We can’t fix everything but everyone can do something. Compassion international is a wonderful well-run organization. If people are fans of matilda Jane they probably have an extra $35 a month to change the life of a child. It’s barely a meal out to us. The price of a pair of leggings. It changes a child’s LIFE!
And it’s mind-blowing the things we get caught up in here with the human trafficking, slavery, extreme poverty, and starvation happening rampantly across the globe. If you don’t have the opportunity to make a mission trip, read Ashley Judd’s memoir. It will haunt you the things she describes she has seen.
One more – I’ve so enjoyed following the trip on Instagram and seeing the beauty in the faces, the simplicity, and the land. But thanks for this post bc it goes so far beyond the pictures. These people are in pain. Their country has just seen startling things no one should go through. Modern day holocaust. It’s amazing in our day with technology and connectedness how these people are ignored. I guess it’s too painful to acknowledge. But in what a movie grosses in opening weekend, what we spend each year on our pets, we could absolutely save and transform so many lives.
another post making me cry-its so hard to explain what you see and i really dont think people will ever truely get it until they go and experience it-Im so excited that MJ is embarking on this adventure that is so near and dear to my heart I would love to help out in anyway -my husband is in the medical field and has been searching for some way to give back to the people of Africa-
Denise, you captured a story that shall move mountains. I continue to have my heart awakened to the needs of the orphans and widows. Your story simply adds more desire and expectation. It is easy to see why such a trip is so soul-searching when you feel the people from the slum search your soul. Their eyes are filled with intensity, pain, suffering, and yes, a sense of hope. I truly believe we are more like than we are different in thought and feeling. Yet, there is such a contrast in our circumstance. I will do everything possible to move that mountain with you. Thanks Denise and David…
This breaks my heart. A world we could probably not even begin to imagine. How can we help?