I’m not really sure how it all started but I do know it involved either Sara Brown or Hannah when they were like 8 or 9. They’d come down to visit me in Fort Wayne and I’d tell them they’d have to give me directions back to my house. It was pretty much “left turn, right turn, no straight, wait left, okay right…stop, turn around, Oh my goodness Aunt Nece are we in the ghetto? Is this where people get killed?” I think something struck a cord in that statement…”are we in the ghetto where people get killed”. I never viewed it that way, and knew it should not be viewed that way.
If you really think about it, do you live in the “ghetto”? What the heck is the “ghetto” anyways? Crime happens pretty much everywhere, at least here in Fort Wayne. And as far as where you live and the look of your home, how can you even judge that?
Photo taken from http://willyloman.wordpress.com/
To me, this picture sums it up and pretty much tells me the “ghetto” does not exist. I think he would be pretty happy with anything, and that anything would be considered a mansion to he and his dog. So when Sara says, “OMG people live there?” I say yes, and I bet they saved every penny for it, just like your mom and your grandma and I saved every penny for the house we live in.” I’m sure some people think I live in the ghetto right now and that is fine cuz I am nestled among great friends and family and I love it!!
Am I even making sense? I’m not quite the story teller, I just type as I think!!
But what brings this up? I overheard a mom and daughter kinda making rude comments about a lady in the waiting room today. She was about 45 with a young boy and quite overweight. I looked at her and was happy for her because my mind goes to the part of the story where she probably works really hard, and hey, maybe she was in the Dr.’s office because she was working on her weight and had already lost 25 lbs. I was proud of her. The mom and daughter we’re imaging something else. The only thing I heard for sure was “wow, I feel so bad for that little boy. She’s so fat” What the heck, for real?
I challenge you tomorrow to not judge. If the lady at McDonald’s is rude, think to yourself: maybe her boyfriend just broke up with her, maybe she just lost her cat? People are usually rude cuz they are not happy, have a little more heart and be concerned as to what made her unhappy to act in that manner.
Wow, I am so lecturing here. But I am just saying,…okay…truth be told.. I am really mad at that mom for allowing her daughter to talk like that. But who knows, maybe what I didn’t hear was her mom telling her that it’s not fair to judge. Who knows.
Okay, I am off to watch LOST. Sorry for the downer post but it just really gets to me when people are quick to judge. I’ve been judged before and know how it feels, don’t do it.
So teach them when they are young and bright eyed, that everyone has a story to tell.
‘People are usually rude cuz they are not happy, have a little more heart and be concerned as to what made her unhappy to act in that manner.’ I so love your take on things and wish more people had that mindset. I am going to work relay this message to all more people. Thanks Denise!!
So very true–well said Denise!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE your comment… “everyone has a story to tell”
I believe this statement to be true to the bottom of my heart and I thank you for trying to get others to think the same!
Good blog. I would only add to everyone has a story to tell……….and deserves caring compassionate people to share their story with.
Thank you, Denise. I think we all need a reminder from time to time.
A very close friend of mine for 20 years, taught me that same lesson. She was the guidance counselor at our school, where we had worked together for 20 years. There was this one lady, who always came in rude, edgy, almost mean acting, we all, including me, had learned how to avoid her, and complain about her attitude. One day Linda happened to be in the office when this lady came in, we all were doing our “talk”, Linda loving said to all of us, “known of you know what her life is about. She is a single mom, husband in jail, lost her job, and abused as a child, not to mention, had no car”!!! Wow. I was lucky to have a loving family to grow up in, everyone doesn’t have that blessing, we are all one tweek away from this lady’s siuation. I never forgot it. Sorry for the long post.
well said… great reminder for us all. you are the best!
Love your take on this and soooo hope that more Moms, Dads, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, teachers,… WHOEVER will work to instill this message in the kids of today. Look at the love & peace in that dog’s face by the way — pure contentment and non-judgment:). We humans make things far too difficult sometimes, don’t we!?!
I dig you!
I do believe this may be my favorite post I’ve ever read of yours Denise. thank you.
WOW Denise you are so AWESOME!!! Glad you put this out there…
Your such a good example for all of us. I think it is human nature to judge people to some degree…and I think to some degree it is necessary…Is this person safe?…Is this the kind or crowd I should be hanging with?…etc. The instinct to judge does not justify cruelty though, caution perhaps in some instances, but not cruelty. And your right that we need to teach our children the importance of compasion and understanding. I am shocked at how cruel people can be…ecspecially teenagers. I’m sure your boys will follow the example you clearly have set for them.
This post made me cry, especially the image of the guy and his dog. That is someone’s son, maybe brother, grandson. He has a story. You can tell he and his dog love each other and he may be happier than those with lots of money. We should teach our children to love one another and treat everyone with respect no matter what they look like. Thanks so much for sharing this. In God’s eyes we are all the same. We should all try to be more Christ like.
God Bless!
Thank you! I love the last line of your blog tonight. Your exact quote needs to be in a book on how to raise children.
Think you summed it up well…
ok, i love the pictures…but it pretty much means my girls have no chance at the cover girl
still love the pics tho
what a wonderful message you putting out there, Denise! I have always taught my children to respect others and not to judge. Everyone is different…I do believe that it is hard in todays society, however, only because of such great emphasis on material objects. How do you define “ghetto” or “burbs” or “country” ?…home is where the heart it…and happiness comes from within…The two most important things for my family are health and happiness!!
Great post, Denise!
(Did you cry watching Lost? Can you believe we are so close to the end?!)
I need to be reminded of this, especially when someone believes differently than I do. They choose what is best for them and I choose what is best for me. Who is to say which is right.
Thank you so much for the post Denise….
I have been going through some health issues again and the uncertainty of what is going on drives me nuts. Its so hard to be upbeat every second of every day. Some woman said you need to smile the other day to me and I just looked at her and said if you only knew what I am facing right now WHY would you smile. Thank you so much for the reminder. We can’t judge a book by a cover that is for sure………….THANKS AGAIN SO MUCH…..
Well said, Denise.
Love this post, Denise! We all need to be reminded from time to time, as I think we all probably judge in some way or another. My heart is always saddened as we leave Riley for the interstate, as there is one particular intersection where there is always a homeless vet camped out. Sometimes I think that just making eye contact and smiling can make a difference to someone who is down on their luck. It’s so much easier to look the other way. You have a heart of gold!
It takes so very little to make someone happy. A smile. A compliment. A handful of change even if we think they might use the change for something bad instead of food, we need to give. It’s not our place to judge. Only to help. I tend to think about it in this way. What Would Jesus Do? He helped everyone. He didn’t judge. He just loved. That is all we are asked to do.We have it so wonderful. We get to just lend a hand or a smile and let the “big guy” do all the judging.
Thank you for this post. It should make everyones day a little brighter and more thoughtful!
Have a super day everyone!
I actually just had this conversation with a group of friends at dinner group last night, very ironic! I think these times are calling for people to re-examine their life and be more understanding and loving to others! Great post:)
You are so right on!!! I think there’s another piece too that has come up recently for us. My daughter just started preschool and has been making lots of friends. She loves school and these new friends. My husband and I have been so frustrated with both of our mothers….guess what the #1 question out of both of their mouths has been when Grace tells them about their friends and their names…what color is…their hair? Seriously?! It’s so infuriating. Neither of us was raised to notice differences in people, especially ethnicity so why now do these women think it’s ok to judge and instill a sense of difference in my daughter. Needless to say, we’re putting a stop to this kind of talk immediately. We need to appreciate each other and not distinguish!
Just wanted to say that I really, really liked this post……………
Oh Denise you sounded very upset!!! I totally agree with everything you said, I always try my best not to judge anyone. I’m not perfect myself, so who I’m to jude AND I don’t like to be judged too.
Denise, what a wonderful topic to post on – seriously, it is SO IMPORTANT to teach your children this. I applaud you… you are a wonderful mother who knows just the right things to teach your children – Happy Mothers Day to you!
your post was AMAZING! thank you for the reminder!
Oh gosh I teach my kids the same thing! You never know what is going on in someone elses’ life so you need to be kind and understanding to everyone…even if they are not so nice. I wish some people would see that everything they do as parents affects the adult their children will become.
I love you…and I love this post…Amen sister…
Amen, sister. I am always telling people to not be so quick to judge; you have no idea what happened to someone 30 seconds before they came into contact with you. We are ALL struggling with grief in some way – it’s always best to spread love and kindness no matter what. And my NUMBER ONE motto in life: be ever grateful.
Thanks for the reminder, Denise!
On this Mothers Day weekend, our great responsibility as mothers to teach our kids better…to look at more than what is on the outside.
Amen! Thanks for your post. Everyone has his or her own story/burden to bear. I think the exact same thing when someone is rude to me…they must be unhappy about something. Maybe it’s trivial like they got a paper cut or maybe bigger like they just received bad news about something. You just never know.
Well said Cariann
A woman at work today ( a woman coming in I should say) asked me during the assessment if I heard voices or saw things that other people don’t see (because she had just answered yes to both of those questions when I asked her). I told her no and she said I must think she’s crazy. I told her no that it could happen to anyone. You are right. Everyone has a story.
In my line of work we can’t judge, we don’t. No one will trust you if you do…it’s a good way to raise the kids. They know I work with people who think I am God and people who think they are pregnant by Jesus and they just accept that those people have some different ideas about things.
Good soap box talk.
AMEN, Sister!!!
Maybe you didn’t hear the mom, or maybe the mom is about to lose her job…or worse: she thinks her husband is cheating on her with a woman who is, well, bigger than her… Maybe. Just maybe.
Very true, but it’s hard not to judge… it seems to be human nature. After all weren’t you judging the mom with the girl who made a rude remark? I’m not trying to be a debbie downer, just being realistic.
Are YOU judging the girl and her mom!!! Maybe the mom was telling her daughter to shush,you don’t know…. I don’t mean to be mean to you,because I am your fan.
I love this post. Made me cry. That picture is beautiful with that guy and his dog.
I read this blog after watching “The Blindside”. WOW to be like that family and not to judge and to give to others so selflessly. You got a wrap on that Denise just like that family did!! Leading with your heart can open up so many possibilities! Thank you for opening up our eyes! We all have struggles. Lets remember that.
I LOVE the whole idea around this post because it’s something I think about often. But guess what… I still screw it up more often than I’d like, because although we have reasons for how we behave, I still think there’s no excuse for treating another human being poorly. It does make me me upset when the cashier is rude to the customer, or vice versa, the customer rude to the cashier. We all have bad days, but I never use it as an excuse to take it out on someone els or be rude-gotta keep my own shizz to myself, you know. I do teach my kids to think deeper about why a kid at school might be mean to them, though. I want them to be thinkers and open to observing human behavior. Wow! We’re such complicated creatures!!! But yes, LOVE ONE ANOTHER and DO UNTO OTHERS are my mottos… because nice matters. 😉
nicely put.
you can never know what led to that moment in time…..life just happens.
there is no dress rehearsal. Live now.
yes, yes, yes!!! i totally agree and think this way so often. not that i never screw it up, but you just never know what a person is living.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato [such truth!!]
this is an amazing post and soo inspirational. This picture made me want to cry.
This was an amazing post. Thanks for posting this this is every so true. This picture bought tears to my eyes.
I like to think that I try and teach my kids to think with their hearts and not their brains…(if you get what I mean). Just the other day there were these 2 older women in a shop and they were staring at my daughter ( in a not so nice way), then they said something to each other and looked at me, literaly in my eyes and looked at me as if they were trying to figure out something. My husband is Asian and I am white, so maybe they were prejudice or maybe they dident like kids…I don’t know, but it tore my heart out, and I can’t help but to think what they were saying and thinking. Living in England as an American, believe it or not, there are alot of people that do not want us here, they give us dirty looks and say extremely rude things, not even caring if we can hear them and they are usually looking right at you as well. So yes, I agree w/ you…it dosent matter who you are or how much money you have, etc. we are all the same when you strip us of our material things and that’s how we should treat each other. oh and P.S. …..don’t listen to the few groutchy people that comented on here…maybe they were having a bad day too???….