Spinning

Denise, Lynette’s sister, was so dead on when she told us all that we would feel a range of emotions once we got home.  Emotions that you can’t explain to just anyone. Emotions that have no explanation.  I want so bad to describe and tell you wonderful stories about our trip but the words just aren’t there. I can’t process a single bit of it.  And Jeff nailed it when he told us the saying ” You need Africa more than Africa needs you.”   And I’m not talking politics, I am talking you. You, as in you to the core. There were a couple times while in Kitale that I had to mentally check myself and say, “Denise, you are not above this, it’s not about you.” If you know me at all, you know I am not high maintenance.  I can flow with  anything.  But the exhaustion coupled with the overwhelming emotion caught me off guard a few times.  Dang it, I can’t explain it.  Painting may be the simplest example.  There were times when moving beds around and cleaning it got pretty icky.  I had to hold myself back from acting like what would have seemed to be a prince. Who am I to judge the cleanliness of an orphanage? Seriously, it is the most amazing place filled with laughter and dancing and eyes that light up your entire soul. And I am focusing on a few bugs?  Gosh,  this sounds so petty but it really was something that bothered me.  It bothered me because of all the beauty and desperation that needed to be focused on, I was actually thinking about a dang bug.. Okay, I am making absolutely no sense..but I warned you my brain was not working.  My point is, sometimes you have to put yourself aside and realize it is not about you, it is about all of us.

Ok, I’m gonna go read a book and try to write this better tomorrow.

Oh, but before I sign off I have to add how awesome it was being surrounded by an amazing group of friends.  I loved sitting back and watching them listen to each other’s stories and share their lives. It is not often that you can bring 20+ friends with you on a journey so far away (and an emotional one at that) and have them all click.  I gotta say I am so so lucky to be surrounded by so many great people.  And maybe it was because we all went on this trip knowing…ahhhhh..my brain is spinning…ok, tomorrow.